No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
