Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
