Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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