who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
