so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
