I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
