You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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