wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
