how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
