i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
