is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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