I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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