You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
