So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
