Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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