i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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