my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
