if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
