Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize