It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
