Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
