why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
