i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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