If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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