11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think people are normalizing furries
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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