This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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