I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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