I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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