In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize