whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
