woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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