Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I believe in your delicious
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
