one might say we're banned from that church
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
