when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
