Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
