I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
