my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
