so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
