Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
my liver is dry heaving
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
