My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
