"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have aggressive nipples.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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