Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
