he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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