There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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