do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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