I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
