Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
