I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
