$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
