Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
