I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
