white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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