Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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