just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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