I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
