Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have already put on my inside pants.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
