Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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