Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
