I've blown a few things in my day
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You ruined the universe
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
