sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
