In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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