Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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