the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we should paint friendship bongs
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