My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
