Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
time to smoke my breakfast
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
