I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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