Duck Duck Cougar?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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