i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
only if we run a train.
done.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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