So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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