You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
