Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
