Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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