he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
