If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
