I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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