did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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