I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
