Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My feet surprised me
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