Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
