I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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