I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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