Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
soo... how was my night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
