She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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