I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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