i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
