Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
