Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
