thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
