i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
