She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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