I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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